’Tis the Season of Love....

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day last weekend, I found myself thinking a lot about love.

For some, love feels exciting and romantic.

While I was sitting in my car charging it, I watched men walk out of the local market with flowers in their hands. And honestly? I didn’t even feel jealous of the lucky girl waiting at home to receive them.

I’ll admit — I even had the thought:

What’s he overcompensating for?I bet she’s asked him to care about her so many times.They probably got into a fight, and in a low-effort attempt to keep her around, he’s grabbing $20 flowers and a $5 card to feed her some line about how she’s his everything.

I know. What a buzzkill.

Why was I even thinking that way? What if they’re in a healthy relationship? What if he just genuinely loves her?

In that moment, I realized I was projecting my own experiences with romantic love.

And while I’m actively working on healing and trying not to become negative, I also think there’s something relatable here.

Because while flower shop businesses take off, restaurants book out weeks in advance, and every store is covered in pink and red — love is one of the best-selling products this time of year. Yet for many of us, it doesn’t feel magical. It feels tragic.

We think about what love has cost us.The nights curled up on the floor thinking, I can’t survive this pain.Emotional heartbreak is brutal. Most of us know that.

For some of us, love feels like the thing that cost us years of unhappiness.Investing in the wrong relationships — whether platonic or romantic.Losing self-trust.Losing safety.

The list goes on.

Love gets hyped up as the best thing ever. But for many of us, it feels like the thing that caused the most misery.

But here’s the discovery I’ve had lately:

I don’t think love is what hurt us.

I think the lack of self-love did.

The Love We Don’t Give Ourselves

How many times have we had the best advice for our friend in a toxic relationship —“Get out. Don’t look back.”

But somehow… that advice doesn’t apply to us.

That lack of self-care — that self-abandonment — might be the real reason so many of us don’t vibe with the whole “love” thing anymore.

When we don’t take care of the one person we’re responsible for — ourselves — how can we possibly thrive in any relationship?

If we’re honest, we do know how to love in a healthy way.

We show it all the time.

We hold a child’s hand while crossing the street.We tell our parents to listen to their doctor and cut down on junk food.We sit with our friend while she cries over someone who keeps investing in the wrong person.

We know how to love.We are caring.

We just struggle to give that same love back to ourselves.

Loving Yourself Isn’t Complicated

I think we’ve made self-love more complicated than it actually needs to be.

It gets packaged as spa days, bubble baths, aesthetic journaling, and perfectly curated “healing” routines.

But most of us already know what loving ourselves looks like.

Now, when I can tell I’m not taking care of myself, I ask one simple question:

What would I tell someone I love to do right now?

Would I tell her to stay in that situation?Would I tell her to ignore her needs?Would I tell her to accept crumbs?

No.

So why would I tell myself to?

My encouragement to you is this:

Treat yourself like a friend. Like someone you deeply care about.

Speak to yourself the way you speak to the people you love most.

And watch how your health improves. Watch how your confidence grows. Watch how your standards rise.

Maybe love didn’t ruin us.

Maybe we just forgot to include ourselves in it. 🤍